Welcome to My Life

Those of you who have faithfully checked back in here to see if I’m ever going to post again have probably learned not to expect much. : ) Welcome to the club. If there has been any constant theme to the last year of my life, it has been “leave your expectations at the door.”

I quickly learned after starting my job (over a year and a half ago now) that it was going to take up much more brainpower and energy than any job I’ve had before. Which is good some days, some days not as much. I’ve really enjoyed being consistently challenged and working for a company I believe in. I love my coworkers… they have become my family. We are all nerdy and creative together. I’ve never felt so much like I belong. I’ve been privileged to work on some great, big-name projects like this book and this one. Also some where I've been able to be more creative, like this one and this one.

On the other hand, life has totally changed because of work. I don’t have as much energy to write on my own (or blog) or even read all of the books I’d like to read. While I usually leave work at work, I find it’s still become a big part of my life. I love talking about it to friends and family (or griping about it, given the day)… finding my books in the bookstore and seeing them from the customer’s perspective instead of on a computer screen in the form of a PDF. Knowing more about all of the popular Christian authors I used to put on a pedestal.

Plus, my time outside of work is filled much more with people than before. Because I usually interact more with information and paper all day, I don’t feel so much like journaling or reading when I come home. And I still live by myself, so people time is precious. But even that is hard to schedule. I just had another house party to celebrate my second year in the new house, and after everyone left, I wondered why I don’t have people over more often. Oh yeah, time. And the fact that most of my friends live across town (again. How does this happen?). I have gotten to know my neighbors better, which is great. One of my favorite new memories in my home is the day I came home from work and spent an hour chatting with various neighbors on the street before going into my house.

But sometimes coming home is hard, too. The party also revealed that having people over makes the emptiness of the house even more obvious when everyone leaves. I love my house, don’t get me wrong. Love the trees out back, my container garden on my secluded deck, the feel of clean wood floors under my bare feet. The smell of freshly vacuumed carpet… rearranging and organizing closets and rooms. But then there is the roof leak and the window that won’t open… the spiders in the crawl space (yes, I kill them myself, with no screaming)… the gunshots and robberies just blocks away. Things I didn’t think I’d ever have to handle on my own, but I have and for whatever reason, I’ve needed to. I’ve come to the conclusion that no one can explain God’s timing and why some people find the love of their life while others continue on single. Why this season of my life is God’s best for me. I know and yet I don’t know. So for now, I just have to trust and enjoy the fact that when I load the dishwasher, no other dishes are appearing in the sink unless I put them there.

I know… I sound spoiled, don’t I? Just another case of a human wanting what she doesn’t have. I even got a newer car recently—leather, sun roof, CD player, 3.5 liter V6. But the thing is, after a year of new stuff, the new job, new friends… I find that none of it satisfies. I know that a new person won’t either, but how do I put this? I’ve never been one of those people who has wanted all of this stuff. A new house, a new car, a career. I’m the girl who got seriously depressed after college when I realized my next step wasn’t getting married and “settling down.” I never imagined my life would go like this. I’m grateful beyond belief, and I even get a little giddy sometimes when I think of how God surprises me… but there are definitely those times when I think, “Huh, God? Did I miss something?”

I feel like I can relate to Stacey when she says, “How, exactly, did this become my life?” The fact that she says this in relation to her newfound marital bliss only tells me that it was pretty much destined to be this way… destined to not go as I had planned or foreseen.

Leave your expectations at the door.