Hope is Active

"Hope is flexible, willing to change or even to be given up if need be. But... true hope is not at all passive. Its very flexibility allows hope to be alive and active in response to all situations. It is expectation that is truly passive, frozen into paralysis or compulsive repetition."

Awhile back, I was at the laundromat on a particularly busy Thursday night. There were no available washers, but I didn't want to put off doing my laundry, so I decided to sit and wait my turn. A gentleman whom I had happened to meet a couple of weeks earlier at the mat was there too, washing "the essentials," he said. He's an older gentleman, with long hair and a gentle disposition. We had struck up a conversation about his construction business (my dad also has his own construction business) and books (we both like to read). That Thursday night, he offered his washer to me after he was finished with it. "I hate to see you just sitting there waiting," he said. "Aww," I said, "I'm used to waiting. I do a lot of it." Understatement. If you could get paid for waiting, I would be making a good living. He asked, "What are you waiting for?" Do you really want to know, guy? I thought. I don't know if I want to go into the list. A job where I can thrive and grow. The love of my life. A place I can call home and not have to worry about moving from if rent goes up. A little too deep and personal for me to get into at the laundromat.

Hippie-builder guy shrugged and headed for the dryers, and I thought about our conversation. The truth was, it didn't feel so much like waiting when I was chatting with him and reading my Donald Miller book. I really didn't mind hanging out for a bit, as I could see the minutes ticking down on the washers beside me. Soon enough, I'd have clean clothes and people would begin to filter out so that I'd have a space to fold them. Many things that we wait for are not so predictable, though... like my list. But one thing should be the same in waiting no matter what the prize -- we should actively wait, instead of passively waiting.

My list is comprised of things I have learned to hope for, not expect. For when I expect them, when I say to God, "Um, hello? While I'm young, please?", I find myself paralyzed by my desires. I literally am physically unable to send out my resume, go to co-ed social functions, or allow myself to dream about where I'd like to live. But when I allow my desires to be consecrated as hopes, I am free to be active while I'm waiting for them to come to pass. I'm sending out my resume and networking, I'm getting involved with single young adults, I'm allowing myself to feel the ache of dreaming. Because I know that God knows my desires, He made me with those desires, and He has plans to prosper me. And even if none of these things come to pass, He is still good.

This concept of living actively really hit home for me a while back when a teacher pointed out how everything in the Christian life is active. Love. Faith. Hope. Relationship. Repentance. Forgiveness. He pointed out the scripture that talks about God "remembering not" our sins. It didn't say, "He forgot our sins," which would be passive, but "remembered not," which is active. God chooses not to remember our iniquities. When you think of all of the fruits of the Spirit in this light, you can see the thing they all have in common -- they all require action. What a concept! But to someone who has built their life around their expectations and found themselves stuck in bad habits and a general lackadaisical-ness, it's revolutionary.

(One sidenote here: This "action" of which I speak is not to be confused with "works" or "deeds" at all. It is a Spirit-prompted action, a matter of living life in response to God's leading and Jesus' example. Action based on superstition or done in order to "earn" a prize is not this hopeful action at all, but rather another response to expectations.)

"Once an expectation becomes solid, you cannot give it up. It digs into your spiritual skin like a tick, infesting your attitudes and behavior. Given the slightest opportunity, expectation will become addiction."

Recently, I've learned of two acquaintances who have returned to addictions from their past. It's a sad story to hear. Looking on from the outside, we want to blame addiction on some sort of chemical imbalance or unresolved childhood issues. Both are issues that can play a part, but in the cases of the two guys I know, there are expectations that have become solid in their lives. (These expectations may have stemmed from childhood issues or wounds, but the fact is at some point, you have to take responsibility for what you do with your wounds.) There have been moments that have called for their action, and they have chosen passivity. There have been opportunities, tools, and support systems aplenty to help pull out the "tick" so to speak, but these men have not done their part of cleaning the wound, replacing their expectations with hope. They have chosen not to exercise their willpower, because it seems like an easier route to assign someone else the responsibility for their life's course. And so they have hopped right back on the same cycle they just finished -- using a person or a substance to fill the void.

This is the story that plays out in all of our lives, to a certain extent. Sometimes the addiction is not even as obvious as alcoholism or continuing bad relationships, but rather an idea, a way of looking at the world that keeps us in a life-zapping cycle. The enemy knows that what can be even more powerful than the wrong action, is inaction. Eve chose the wrong action, but Adam chose inaction. And so we are constantly faced with the temptation to grab with expectation for the "something more" and paralyzed to stop ourselves because we fear the pain. The pain of confronting our expectations, allowing them to die, and allowing hope to be born from the ashes.

It takes action. Daily choosing life, reaching out, and remaining open and present in the moment. Trusting that God is holding it all together. It's not easy. Especially when it seems safer and more "logical" to keep to ourselves and be passive. But who ever said life with God was safe?

"We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord, even as we put our hope in you."